Fast Forward

Last year at this time I was “balls deep” in Half Ironman Training. Fast forward one year later and I am going absolutely bonkers.

Being plagued by a damn hamstring injury that seems to rear its ugly head, just when I think it is healed up – I am left without being able to do run training … again. I took 3 months off, came back for 2 weeks and am back to square one.

I am still not working, per se. I am certified as a fitness trainer (and have this nagging Bachelor’s in Marketing that is just begging to be used), but in a town of only 3000 – people want a fitness center with all the bells and whistles … until it comes time to pay for a membership. I also teach cycling classes, which is going really well. My usual’s seem to really enjoy it and I am still getting some newcomers to show up at class – but teaching 3x per week isn’t a job, it’s more of a hobby and a workout?

I’m finding myself stuck in that position that it seems every stay at home mom comes across at one time or another. To work or not to work? My son is in school, but summer will be here before we know it and he is not yet at that age that he can stay home alone all day while his dad and I both work. And since his dad is averaging 70+ hours per week (with no change in sight) I am feeling stuck, whose well being is worth more? Mine (= my sanity) or my son’s? Of course I feel that anything my son needs trumps me any day of the week and twice on Sunday’s.

And yes, I know I am lucky. I realize that every day and will never forget it. I am fortunate to be in a financial situation where working is an option I am a very lucky girl who 16 months ago made a choice to quit my job. I get it, I truly do. But this is my blog, my time, my words, my feelings. And I know I can not be alone in this.

So now what? … This isn’t one of those blogs that tells you what to do; this is one that is seriously asking you “Now what the hell do I do?”

I can’t run. I could start making the trek to the nearest indoor pool, which is probably a good option. I’m already cycling nearly 3 hours a week. I have no idea if I will even be racing this summer. I will be running a half marathon in August because I am taking a group of women to the race and I will get through it one way or another. But the thought of no triathlons makes me want to cry. So now what do I do? I am honestly bordering on sinking into a bit of a dark place and I know I can’t let that happen. So any advice you can give will be taken with an open mind.

And thanks girls, for listening.

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